[DOG DOCTOR] “Hey, there! So how’s Bev been doing?” [MY DOG] “Good, good. Her hair is shiny. We W-A-L-K a lot.” “Great! Let’s get her up on the scale.” [ME] *refuses to move* “Sorry, she’s a little stubborn. Come on, let’s get up there! …

We’ve all made this mistake at some point in our lives. — It’s easy to think that Ellen Chung, Jonathan Gerrish, their baby daughter, and their dog died from something sinister. When their bodies were first discovered on August 17, 2021, with no obvious signs of trauma, investigators ran through a list that included lightning, carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, cyanide exposure, illegal…

Do I have to? — Congratulations! You lived through another night! But this is no time to rest on your laurels. Now you have to get out of bed. Remember when you used to spring out of bed like a young deer, or a young kangaroo, or a young anything, really? Well, those days are…

I’m tired of always being the one who backs down. — Only children are not inclined to share. I basically had to have politeness beat into me, particularly after the “toy horse incident”, as I like to call it. My (boy) cousin and I were in the back seat of the car while the adults sat up front, going who knows…

I’ve been scrolling through Instagram for the perfect dog and I’ve decided that I have to have a Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky of my very own. Here are some of the qualities of a Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky: They’re either freakishly smart or incredibly stupid. It’s a roll of the dice. They’re hypoallergenic, but…

Blerg? Bob? — I hate the word “blog”. It sounds like some kind of disgusting food that only British people eat. “Oy, I’m popping round the pub for a pint and a bit of blog. Care to join me?” And then you sit down to a glass of some black, room-temperature liquid they…

She never really had a chance. I’ve been fighting the bees who move into the cracks of my ancient house every summer, so I was carrying bug spray around and I was in killing mode. I sprayed first and asked questions later. I cry a lot. In fact, I cry…

And if you don’t, I’ll know and I’ll haunt you. — When a member of the Queen’s guard passed out cold while standing vigil at her coffin in Westminster Hall, all I could think about was the time Tracy Packard fainted in marching band during a half-time show. Much like the guards attending the Queen’s body, we too were overdressed in…