Which bad parent are you? — There are many cool names for bad parenting styles and they all sound dangerous! Here’s a handy guide for pinpointing just what kind of bad parent you are. Remember that bad parenting styles can change over time, so print this out and put it on the fridge to remind yourself…

I hate being sober. Everybody talks about how great it is being sober, how clear they feel. How “It’s a struggle, but life is so much better now” and on and on. I’ve been sober for 30 years and it fucking sucks. I think about alcohol every day. …

With apologies to Nick Flynn — My mom is old. Really old. Like, OMFG, please do not let me get that old. So today we loaded up for a ride to the bank to break into her safety deposit box, which is the one thing I can’t make payable on death. …

We’ve all made this mistake at some point in our lives. — It’s easy to think that Ellen Chung, Jonathan Gerrish, their baby daughter, and their dog died from something sinister. When their bodies were first discovered on August 17, 2021, with no obvious signs of trauma, investigators ran through a list that included lightning, carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, cyanide exposure, illegal…

Or cough, or chew, or… — I’m sick. Not deathly ill, just “under the weather” as they say. And now that I think about it, what does that even mean? Weather comes from the sky, so isn’t everybody “under the weather” all the time? (No, I’m not going to Google it.) Anyway, an attorney here at…

Is the person riding on the motorcycle considered to be part of the motorcycle? Why do the pictures all look like they were shot by a Nokia camera phone in 2012? Why do the pictures all look like they were shot by the same person who took that video of…

After 15 years together. Do I care? Meh. — Look, I’ll be the first to admit that if I were me, I wouldn’t want to be friends with me. You could be literally on fire and I’d think, “This is going to ruin my day.” I’m like an opera singer going through their warm-ups. It’s all me-me-me. But it’s…

Daddy will be on his favorite stool trying to cover the spread and saying bad words. Don’t tell Mommy. — We here at Dave & Buster’s know that modern American dads are anxious to bond with their kids every other weekend and one night a week from 5:00 to 8:00, but that they also long for “me time” when they can finally relax after a long day of slinging time…

Because they’re sick to death of each other. — I’ve always thought it’s a little unfair that Gwyneth Paltrow is going to be mocked for the rest of eternity for calling her divorce from Chris Martin a “conscious uncoupling.” Gwyneth didn’t even invent “conscious uncoupling”, which is news to me. But it’s a phrase that’s very on-brand for her…