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Writer’s Injuries That Should Be Covered By Workers’ Compensation
I’m going to email my Congressperson, as soon as I figure out who that is.
3 min readMar 21, 2021
- I moved my laptop screen a quarter of an inch from its normal angle and now I can’t turn my head. Can I put Icy Hot on my neck? What if it penetrates my spine, paralyzes me from the neck down, and then I need a service monkey? I’m not sure I’m ready for the responsibility of owning a monkey.
- I have writer’s butt from sitting in one place for hours at a time. I look like a Weeble. Or a particularly lifelike potato.
- Nobody knows what a Weeble is. Please send my Social Security checks immediately.
- I don’t write enough. My compensation should be based on what I would’ve earned as a writer had I fulfilled my promise, instead of seething with jealousy for several decades at successful writers who actually spent their time writing instead of seething with jealousy.
- I can’t read my handwriting. I have notes everywhere, scribbled on one of 15 million notepads that my mom gets from St. Jude’s. Much like Hemingway, I have two kitchen drawers full of nothing but notepads. Mrs. Hemingway was always saying, “Ernie, what’s with the notepads? Where am I supposed to put the can opener?” The…
