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Humor
Why I’m Leaving Sanford and Sons
I bet you didn’t even know Fred Sanford had more than one son.
I mean, the title says it all, doesn’t it? It’s almost like I, Fred G. Sanford, Jr., don’t even exist.
The amount of abuse that dad heaped on Lamont and I is indescribable. I spent the first five years of my life thinking that “Big Dummy” was my actual name. It wasn’t until I entered kindergarten that I discovered my name was actually Fred.
In addition to my name, I also inherited dad’s legacy of cardiovascular disease. But instead of just grabbing my chest and staggering dramatically, I actually sought medical intervention and now I have stents placed in two arteries. I’m grateful that I had the sense to go to the doctor instead of just yelling at my dead mom.
My stent placement was too much for dad. I was a “big dummy” for listening to the medical establishment when he’d gotten by all these years with simple self-administered chest compressions and straight whiskey.
Aunt Esther clearly wanted dad to die, so I couldn’t turn to her when I attempted an intervention. And Lamont knew which side his salvaged engine block was buttered on, so there was no way he was going to get involved, either.
