Why Don’t Americans Use Bidets?
Because we’re backwards, uncivilized animals.
Yes, I’m still obsessed with bidets.
And in case you think Americans only recently became backwards, uncivilized animals — say, since 2016 — you are wrong.
Bidets are a common fixture throughout the world and they were invented many hundreds of years ago (this isn’t a history lesson). It’s not like toilet paper grows on trees (well, I mean, technically it does, but anyway) so I assume people have been splashing water on their nether regions for a very long time.
Where it all went wrong for America is when soldiers went to France during World War II. And by soldiers, I mean “men.”
Your average American GI, fresh from the cornfields of Iowa or Nebraska or wherever there’s a lot of cornfields, had never laid eyes on a bidet before.
And where did they see them?
In brothels.
So basically it’s all men’s fault that Americans are gross because in their sex-mad brains, they associated bidets with loose women washing their vagines after having had sex with multiple strangers for money.
