Humor

Why Can’t Men Control Their Penises?

Who even thinks to take this picture? (Photo by Ussama Azam on Unsplash)

I take one day off from work (which wasn’t even a day off because I was still fielding texts and emails and blah, blah, blah, but at least I wasn’t destroying my hip flexor in my hideous office chair).

Where was I. Oh, yeah. Penises.

So I take one day off from work, and I come back and the bathroom looks like a motorcycle gang has stopped there on its way to Sturgis and for some reason they all needed to brush their teeth before peeing all over the floor and walls.

This is normal. Going into our office bathroom is like going in country in ‘Nam.

Why? Why can’t men control their penises?

My co-worker and I regularly lament our lack of a bathroom to call our own. In our minds, it’s a rose-scented paradise where bluebirds frolic and harp music plays. It’s pristine and hygienic. The sun glints blindingly off tile which is always clean.

We think this, despite the fact that we do everything in there that the guys do. The only difference is that we can hit the bowl.

Look, I get it. Sometimes there’s an obstruction in the roadway, so to speak. It’s hard to hit a target that you can’t see…