Member-only story
What If Chicken Disappears? Suggestions From My Dog
We have…options.
I am a dog. I like chicken. I like other things too: naps, rides, walks. Rolling in the grass. Rolling in mud. Rolling in dead things. I like a lot of things because, as mentioned previously, I am a dog.
But chicken is probably at the top of my list. My owner prepares a bowl that is *chef’s kiss* magnifique. She garnishes each meal with a smattering of microwaved, unbreaded chicken tender. I don’t know why. I don’t care why. Just keep it coming.
But I’ve heard talk that the chicken supply at the grocery store has become sporadic, and frankly, I’m concerned. I know, I know — I won’t die without chicken. I’ll just act like I’m dying. I’ll stare at my kibble, and then at my owner, and then at my kibble, and then at my owner, and then at my kib —
You get the idea.
Eventually, I’ll eat my dry, boring, unimaginative, derivative, old-school dog food. But I won’t enjoy it.
Sometimes my owner eats chicken, too. This doesn’t happen often because in her mind it’s “dog chicken.” I know. The mental image is horrifying.
Anyway, we have options, dogs and humans, in the event that, horror of horrors, the chicken tender supply dries up and we are left to our own culinary devices:
