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What I Think Happens On The Bachelor, Which I Have Never Seen
Two women dressed in an old-timey horse costume fall out of a limo and clomp over to a man who’s always at least six feet tall and looks like a slightly more attractive version of Fabio. The women say something stupid. The man looks confused. They have sex.
The only furniture on the set is couches and beds. It is always night. The man gives one of the women a rose, which is like an immunity idol on Survivor. They have sex.
All of the women on the show hate each other because they want to win this one man, who is the only man left alive on the planet (?), who they just met five minutes ago. The women have basically forgotten they had lives before they were chosen to appear on The Bachelor. They have sex.
The women talk into the camera and cry. They’re all very unhappy, and yet they stay on the show. This is their big chance even though I can’t name a single person who has ever been on The Bachelor.
The bachelor, who is always either an entrepreneur or in sales, has a “date night” with one of the women, which means they have sex. The crew stands outside the door and listens.
The entire show is basically glamorized prostitution.
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