Member-only story
Humor
What I Think About When I Think About Canada
Don’t tell me if I’m wrong, eh?
As soon as you cross the border, you see a moose.
In fact, moose roam the streets of every Canadian town, like cows in India.
America’s national symbol is a majestic, predatory bird.
Canada’s national symbol is a leaf.
The president of Canada is a guy named Tim Horton.
Canada’s national dish is something called poutine, which an American would only eat after 12 beers. It looks the same coming up as it does going down.
Everyone in Canada wears a red flannel shirt, a hat with earflaps, and carries an ax.
There are two cities in Canada: Toronto and Vancouver. Everything in between is a forest full of polar bears.
All Canadians, without exception, are extremely polite and they never have arguments.
The sun never shines in Canada because it’s always winter.
The only sport Canadians know how to play is hockey. There are no other sports in Canada. Just hockey.
For some reason, one small piece of Canada only speaks French and they’re angry about it.
Every body of water in Canada is full of salmon. It’s just wall to wall salmon.
Alaska is only a few hundred miles north of Portland.
There are no major cities in Canada. Toronto is the size of Akron.
Every politician in Canada is a liberal socialist.
They make electricity in Canada by burning potatoes.
