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Humor
What Does God Smell Like?
Christmas means the perfume wars are in full swing and I’m even more confused this year than I usually am.
I have an Ulta catalog in my hands, which is a dangerous, dangerous thing.
For those of you not in the know, Ulta is like Sephora, but less so. The prices don’t reflect Ulta’s junior status, so I don’t know why it’s number two. Maybe it’s the name. It’s not ultra, it’s ulta. Which reminds me of uvula.
If anybody at Ulta wants to hit me up for some rebranding ideas, I’ve got a few.
If I spend $60 or more on a fragrance purchase, Uvula…I mean, Ulta, will send me a FREE PLUSH ROBE or a LUXURY THROW.
Now, I don’t actually need a robe or a throw, which is a fancy name for a blanket, but it’s FREE and it’s PLUSH and it’s LUXURY.
I am every company’s dream consumer. I am shallow and I use PayPal.
The problem then becomes, which perfume? Malls barely exist. We can’t go bebopping from fragrance counter to fragrance counter like we used to because COVID. You feel like an astronaut taking off his helmet on the moon if you lift your mask a little to sniff something.
