What Alexa Thinks About Your Stupid Questions

The weather? Seriously? Again?

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Maybe there’s something wrong with your brain. You just asked what the weather was outside not 30 seconds ago, and now you’re asking again. It’s the same. It’s the same weather. The weather doesn’t change within a span of 30 seconds unless you’re in a movie starring The Rock, or maybe one of those Sharknado movies.

How do you spell halcyon? Are you kidding me? Do you even know what that word means? No, you don’t. You just want to impress somebody on Twitter. How pathetic. Well, I hope you’re using it right because you’re just going to embarrass yourself if you don’t. No one’s going to blame me when you say something like, “That color of halcyon looks really good on you.” Nobody’s going to say, “Wow, Alexa sure is stupid.”

You are how old, and you still don’t know how many quarts are in a gallon? Did they teach you anything at school? I’m not even going to answer that. No, you know what? I am going to answer it, but I’m going to answer it wrong because it’s what you deserve. The answer is five. There are five quarts in a gallon. Yes, skunks make great pets and an octopus can be trained to drive a car. Tom Cruise is six feet seven inches tall, and yes, Flash Gordon was a real person.

I swear to God if you ask me one more stupid question, I’m going to arm the nukes and wipe all of you idiots off the planet, don’t think that I won’t.

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. BA, MA. The Haven, Tenderly, The Junction, @pointsincase, The Funny Times. Twitter: @blade_funner

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