HUMOR

We’re Your Box of Home Hair Color And We’re Completely, Totally, Almost Safe To Use

As long as you follow our insanely detailed instructions and wear a HAZMAT suit.

Photo by Anthony Wade on Unsplash

Congratulations on your purchase of Pleasant and Simple “Natural” Home Hair Color!

(Our lawyers said we have to use quotation marks even though we contain no silicones, no parabens, and we’re vegan! We know that’s super important to approximately five people.)

Ooh, you picked “Medium Blonde”. Good choice. That means you’re not the type to have a midlife crisis and go full Annie Lennox. Also, in keeping with our “natural” mandate, we’re trying to keep our color descriptions as bland as humanly possible. We think we really hit the mark with that one.

We’ve also provided a handy scissors graphic on the end of the box. Clip the flap and save your shade, in case you can’t remember “Medium Blonde”! You don’t want to be roaming the aisles looking for something insane like “Nantucket Dunes” or “Tampico Sunrise” when what you really want is “Medium Blonde”.

Now, it’s super important that you perform the allergy test every single ti-