Humor

Welcome To My Antique Store, Thingamajigs & Whatnots

So much whimsy you might puke.

Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash

Welcome to my antique store, Thingamajigs & Whatnots!

I can tell by the gagging noises that you’ve caught a whiff of my favorite candle which is burning in every room in a small, sooty votive holder. It’s called “Scarf, by Stevie Nicks.” It’s a mixture of BO, patchouli, and the anal secretions of a musk ox.

There’s a whole line of Steve Nicks candles. One of them is just a compressed ball of armpit hair that you set on fire.

I hope you like “Live, Love, Laugh” signs because I have at least 50 of them just in this room alone. People can’t get enough of the words Live, Love, Laugh painted on a piece of wood.

You’d think there should be more words involved. Like maybe “Obtain a College Degree, Get a Good Job, Start A Family”.

But no. Live, Love, Laugh seems to really hit that sweet spot between pithy and overly broad.

Are you looking for anything special, like, say, a gigantic clock that doesn’t work, or really old newspapers? How about a wig? Some of these look like they came from a cadaver, but that’s what makes them antiques! Antique is just…