Weird Things That I’m Afraid Of

Please feel free to tell me your own weird fears so I can obsess about those, too.

Photo by Jasmin Sessler on Unsplash

Some people might call me obsessive. I like to think that I “focus intently on very specific topics of interest for a long period of time.”

I also worry a lot about weird things that won’t happen. But what if they did? What if they did??

I worry:

1. That all four wheels will spontaneously come off my SUV while I’m driving. I call this the “Fred Flintstone Scenario.”
2. That a deer will jump through my open window while I’m driving (which, for the record, almost happened).
3. That I will suddenly go blind while I’m driving (a lot of these fears are driving and/or deer-related).
4. That I will swallow a bee which will sting my esophagus and I will swell up and choke and/or suffocate to death. It doesn’t help that I swallowed a moth yesterday while I was mowing the lawn. I don’t think it suffered. [Note to self: Don’t mow the lawn with your mouth open even though it’s really, really hot outside and you’re basically dying anyway so you might as well accidentally inhale insects.]
5. That a deer will attack me. This sounds like a joke — this is not a joke. Deer are a generally cranky species that will think nothing of pummeling you to death with their sharp hooves over an apple.
6. That I will suddenly forget how to swallow.
7. That I’ll get that disease where you never sleep again and eventually you die. Google it. It’s called Fatal Insomnia. I feel like whoever named it wasn’t really trying very hard.
8. That I’ll eat too much and my stomach will explode.