LESSONS IN LEGALESE

Weird Legal Terms And What They Mean

Photo by Michelle Tresemer on Unsplash

The American legal system is mired in archaic terms and inconsistencies. It’s meant to baffle and confuse and disempower. That way, all the lawyers and judges (who go on to become politicians — surprise!) maintain their sweaty sheen of superiority over the baffled masses.

There’s also a measure of entropy involved, as there is with all bureaucracies. Just keep on keepin’ on, until eventually the entire system collapses.

Are we there yet? Almost, kids, almost.

I’ve been a legal secretary for 30 years and I still cannot remember what some criminal charges mean. For example:

Pandering

Now, in normal English, pandering means ‘to gratify or indulge (an immoral or distasteful desire, need, or habit or a person with such a desire, etc.)’.

I guess I just never picked up on the immoral or distasteful part. I thought it just meant giving stupid people what they want, hence the phrase pandering to the masses. You know, like social media.

‘To pander’ also means to act as a pimp, but in Ohio we call that ‘compelling prostitution’.

As a criminal charge, pandering means to “Create, reproduce, or publish (or sell or disseminate or on and on) any obscene…