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We Regret to Inform You That We’re Revoking Your Baptism Because We Said the Magic Spell Wrong
What’s Latin for, “Oopsie”?
Hey, everybody! The Catholic Church here. We’ve got a little announcement to make.
So, a funny thing happened — we found out that a member of our team has been performing baptisms wrong for, oh, the last 20 years or so.
It turns out he’s been saying “we” when he should have said “I”.
I know, right? How could such a gigantic, gigantic mistake like that happen? The poor guy even resigned from the priesthood, which honestly seems a little harsh.
I mean, what’s he going to do now, work at McDonald’s? His skills as a priest aren’t exactly transferrable to the lay world. Not a lot of call for the giving of unction down at Walmart.
Anyway, you’re probably wondering, “What does this mean for me, the average Catholic whose baptism has been revoked?”
What it means, basically, is that you’re fucked.
If you’re not baptized, then your communion didn’t take, your marriage in the church is null and void, and the odds of your getting into heaven are now essentially zero…
