We Are in Receipt of Your Application for the Position of Boyfriend
Dear C — :
Thank you for your interest in applying for the position of Boyfriend here at Bev©, Inc.
Here at Bev©, Inc., we strive every day to produce the highest quality relationship possible as long as it doesn’t take up too much of our time.
A successful applicant should be able to roll with the punches and adapt quickly to the highs and lows of the emotional marketplace, as well as being a professional masseuse and Michelin-starred chef.
I see by your resume that you were previously employed as a Boyfriend here at Bev©, Inc. from 2007 through 2015, but that you were released due to unsatisfactory job performance and failing to meet projected quotas.
When asked to explain your termination, you scribbled, “That’s not the way I remember it,” and “What is wrong with you?”
I also see that you accepted employment with a rival firm shortly after leaving Bev©, Inc., performing in the capacity of Boyfriend with that company as well.
It appears that you were with this rival firm for a period in excess of three years, until one day you texted Bev©, Inc. out of the blue and said, “Want to go to a movie?”
