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Useless College Majors I’m Glad I Didn’t Take
Guess which one of the following was my actual major.
SEMANTICS
What in God’s name did I think I was going to do with this? I never actually even knew what it was/is, and yet, it sounded like something I would like. Words? Words good.
ENGLISH
Just think, I could be teaching second graders right this second from the comfort of my own kitchen table via Zoom while they pick their noses and play with the cat.
JOURNALISM
OH MY GOD, I dodged a bullet with that one. “Newspapers will always need writers,” they said. “Become a journalist,” they said. AHAHAHAHA!!!
INTERNATIONAL DEFENSE ANALYSIS
So if I join the Foreign Service, I’ll immediately be stationed in Paris and get invited to balls where men in tuxedos offer me champagne, right? Whaddaya mean I’m going to be hunkered down in a sandbagged foxhole is the Sudan getting my ass shot off? No, thank you, I wear contacts. I can’t be around all that grit.
ARCHEOLOGIST
This is what happens when you’ve seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom multiple times during your formative years. Please refer to my aversion to sand, above, for why I didn’t major in archeology. I need to shower multiple times a day — I feel like that’s probably not an option in the Valley of the Kings. Archeology is way too much like camping.
ASTRONOMER
This is Carl Sagan’s fault. Ignoring for the moment the fact that I still count on my fingers, I would love to be an astronomer. All alone in some observatory on a mountain with a giant telescope? That sounds perfect to me.
