Humor

Top Secret Documents vs. Two-Ply Toilet Paper

Please don’t squeeze the Top Secret government documents.

I know you’re probably asking yourself, “But, Bev, I don’t have any Top Secret government documents laying around my country club slash house. How can I compare them with two-ply toilet paper without a real-world test?”

Of course, the answer is you’re going to have to run for President of the United States, somehow win (and since how many people actually vote for you doesn’t even matter, you should be fine), and then nonchalantly ask,

“So, hey, where are all of those ‘Top Secret’ documents I keep hearing about?”

Then, you have a real intestinifying meal, like a couple Taco Bell bean burritos, and then skedaddle to the little President’s room with the Top Secret documents shoved down your pants. All real secret-like.

Or you can just throw them in a box and take the box in with you. You’re the President! You can do what you want!

And those Top Secret documents better not be wrinkly. There is nothing worse than wiping your butt with wrinkly paper. Might as well use…