Humor

To The Guy Holding The Stop Sign For The Road Construction Crew

I’m going as slow as I can, Brian.

Photo by John Kakuk on Unsplash

Nothing ruins my commute like a sign saying LANE CLOSED AHEAD. If they could warn you, say, five miles ahead before you get to that point instead of 50 yards, when there’s nowhere to turn and you’re trapped like a cow in a chute at a slaughterhouse. (Wow, that turned dark.)

But no.

I know it’s not exactly your dream job to be holding a stop sign on a stick for eight hours a day in the rain/hot sun/freezing cold. But it’s not exactly my dream to creep past you at one mile per hour while your eyes bore holes into me, you know what I’m saying?

Do they send you to school to learn that patting motion that means “slow down”? Because, if so, you were a star pupil. You’re using your entire arm and actually bending at the waist to tell me to slow down as I squeeze my SUV through half a lane to get past. Your breath is fogging up the outside of my window. I can read the laundry tag on your shirt. In some states, we are now legally married.

I’m going as slow as I can, Brian. If I went any slower, I’d be in reverse.