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Humor
To The $25 Lip Gloss I Immediately Lost
I’m so sorry.
Yes, I know I’m an idiot.
Yes, I know my past is strewn with the corpses of ChapSticks and, when I was feeling fancy, tubes of Blistex that were either lost or sent through the washing machine, never to recover from their white-water rafting trip through laundry land.
But you were so fresh, so sugary, so citrusy, so rush-y. In fact, that was your name: fresh® Sugar Citrus Rush Infusion Lip Treatment.
You popped up in my emails like a beckoning angel.
How could I resist your promise of 24-hour moisturizing? (Even though we all know it’s more like 60 minutes, tops, and that’s if I don’t eat, drink, speak, breath, or lick my lips.)
Maybe this was the answer I sought!
Maybe this was my entrée to the Promised Land where I wasn’t constantly pawing through my purse like a ground hog on meth looking for lip gloss every five minutes.
Maybe my thirsty, parched lips (the email included a picture of some particularly nasty lips and I have to wonder, are there models who specialize in that? Like, “Hi, I’m a chapped lip model. That’s all I do…
