HUMOR

To Save Money, We’ll Only Be Paying for the First Five Minutes of Your Anesthesia

This should really speed up surgeries

Photo by Austrian National Library on Unsplash

We here at Anthem Blue Cross have decided that, out of all the literally thousands of ways we could cut costs and save money for our subscribers, we’re going to stop paying for anesthesia during surgery.

How did we make this decision, you ask?

Well, first of all, our executives and high-level decision makers are complete morons. Drooling idiots. People who have never once watched a television show or understood even basic 8th-grade science.

The only thing they’ve managed to retain is that there was little or no anesthesia on Civil War battlefields and everybody seemed fine with that.

In fact, a skilled surgeon could amputate a leg in under two minutes.

Sometimes chloroform was used to knock the patient out. Rest assured that we’re looking into chloroform availability, the effectiveness of straight whisky, and also biting down on a leather strap.

All completely viable cost-saving measures that will ensure you, the consumer, feel less pain where it really matters —…