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HUMOR
Three Conversations With My Boss That Make Me Doubt Everything I Know
These are just a select few.
[standing out in the parking lot]
ME: Man, those buzzards are flying really low.
MY BOSS: They’re looking for baby groundhogs.
ME: (Despite watching nature documentaries for the last 50 years, this suddenly seems plausible) … Okay.
ME: (still outside) Man, the jerky factory always smells so good. Smells like cooking hotdogs.
MY BOSS: I went there and I asked if I could just go in the back and scoop up fresh jerky, it smells so freakin’ good, and you won’t believe what they told me.
ME: (I mean, what could it possibly be? Seriously.) What?
MY BOSS: *devastated face*
ME: OH MY GOD, WHAT.
MY BOSS: It’s dog food.
ME: What’s dog food?
MY BOSS: That’s the smell. They make the jerky someplace else and sell it out front, but they’re cooking dog food in the back.
ME: (Briefly unable to think or form words.) Okay, that seems… wrong. That can’t be… I mean, what about the health department? THIS IS OKAY? So the guys in hair nets and waders are cooking dog food.
(He cannot possibly be right about this.)
ME: (apropos of God only knows what) Women are born with all the eggs they’ll ever have.
MY BOSS: So is that what menopause is? When you lay your last egg?
ME: (suddenly a complete blank as to the workings of my own body and the wealth of knowledge about human biology I’ve learned over the years). Uh… Maybe?
