Humor

Things That Sound Good In Theory

But suck in practice.

Photo by Skylar Jean on Unsplash

You know how things sound good in theory? The internet, for example. What could possibly go wrong? It will enable instant communication and the spread of knowledge across the globe for the benefit of all humanity.

Yeah, not so much.

Here’s some other things that seemed like a good idea at the time.

Anything with goat milk.

Yes, sure, goat milk soap sounds great. You buy it at those funky little shops you see on the square and the bars are all swirly and they come in pretty colors. And they’re wrapped in cling wrap so you know they’re hand made and artisanal and they have ax marks on them from where some woman with a braid down to her ass wearing clothes made out of tree bark cut each three-inch-thick bar off a giant slab in her kitchen and it costs $5 a bar because goats ain’t cheap. And then you get it home and it doesn’t even foam up. Why? Because it’s made out of milk, stupid. Go try to lather up with some 2%. Tell me how that works out.

Trying to sneak spinach into smoothies.

Oh, you green sonofabitch. You think you can fool me? You think you can cloak your foulness in apple juice and mango puree and I won’t know you’re…