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Humor
Things I’ve Never Done And Don’t Intend To Do
If they’re so great, YOU do them.
1. Parachuting
This includes parasailing, paragliding, paratrooping, and pretty much anything else that starts with para-. It’s all bad. My mom’s neighbor jumped out of a plane for the first time on her 70th birthday. I’m convinced it was just so she could get attention on Facebook. Some people will go to any lengths.
2. Hot Air Ballooning
Not as bad as parachuting unless things go horribly wrong and you end up in essentially a parachuting situation, sans parachute. Wicker basket, gigantic open flames, fragile cloth balloon, no way to steer — what could possibly go wrong? The only way I want to be in a wicker basket is if I’m on a picnic, I’ve had an entire bottle of wine, and I know there’s cheese somewhere in the bottom of one.
3. Swimming with sharks
If there’s two things I hate, it’s swimming and sharks. Put them together and you have a recipe for disaster. They’re called sharks for a reason. Because they’re sharks. Do they look like they want company? Actually, they do. “Please,” they say, “come closer so I can eat you — I mean, admire your bathing suit.” The whole time you’re swimming with them they’re…
