Things I Would Rather Do Than Write

A by no means comprehensive list.

  1. Touch a worm.
  2. Eat a worm.
  3. Either watch or undergo brain surgery. Dealer’s choice.
  4. Train to be a Navy SEAL.
  5. Clean under my couch for the first time since… Well, ever.
  6. Pull hair out of my shower drain using a bent wire clothes hanger.
  7. Step on a snake. In my kitchen. With my bare foot.
  8. Watch TV with my mom.
  9. Brush my dog’s teeth.
  10. Scoop roadkill with a shovel.
  11. Tweeze my leg hair.
  12. Watch Joel Osteen.
  13. Schedule an OB/GYN appointment.
  14. Actually go to an OB/GYN appointment.
  15. Open the hood of my car and stare at the…engine, is that what it’s called?
  16. Delete all the CeeLo and Justin Bieber songs from my Amazon music. What the hell was I thinking? Oh, and the Sigur Ros, wtf is that?
  17. Ask my boyfriend to explain golf.
  18. Watch anything with Mel Gibson in it.
  19. Tunnel out of Shawshank prison.
  20. Go camping.

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. BA, MA. If life is a journey, I’m lost. Slackjaw, Points In Case, The Funny Times, The Haven. Twitter: @blade_funner

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