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Humor
There’s No Crying In Wordle
[TOM HANKS BARRELS OUT FROM BEHIND MY COUCH]
Hey, Bev, can I ask you a question? Have you got a moment? Clearly you have a moment since you’re playing Wordle even though this place is a dump and you’re still wearing pajamas at 2:00 in the afternoon.
Why do you always start with “piano” or “canoe”? Don’t you have a friend who starts with “adieu”? See, that gets almost all the vowels, ALL THE VOWELS, BEV.
Do you even know how to play Wordle? You do? Well, I was just wondering, because I couldn’t figure out why you would just start randomly picking five-letter words WHEN YOU’VE GOT TWO LETTERS THAT ARE ALREADY GREEN!
You are NOT cheating by using a Scrabble dictionary. Yes, that’s cheating.
Now, you start using your head! THAT’S THAT LUMP THAT’S THREE FEET ABOVE YOUR ASS!
Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING?
There’s no crying! THERE’S NO CRYING IN WORDLE!
[ROSIE O’DONNELL POPS UP BEHIND MY RECLINER]
Why don’t you leave her alone, Jimmy?
[TOM HANKS, DISMISSIVELY]
You zip it, Doris.
Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pig shit. And that was when my…
