The Top Ten Ways I Would Change If I Won The Lottery
- Clean sheets. Every. Single. Day.
- Hire a cleaning person. Of course, I’d have to clean before they showed up because there’s no way I would let a stranger see the way that I actually live.
- All the dogs.
- Name-brand cereal. The really expensive ones down at the end. If I even look at those cereals now, alarms go off.
- So much cheese.
- Weird fruit. I would basically turn into a kiwi. And I wouldn’t even care if one got mushy and I had to throw it away. I wouldn’t act like it was a member of my family that had died, like I do now.
- Starbucks. Every. Single. Day. I’d be one of those obnoxious people that the baristas address by name before chirping, “The usual?” like it’s a dive bar on the East side of Cleveland and not an obscenely expensive yuppie oasis.
- More than one pair of jeans. Maybe as many as two, but I would still have a favorite pair, and then a “dress up” pair that was slightly less faded.
- If I lost my gloves, I could just buy another pair of gloves, without beating myself up over the fact that I have, in fact, lost another pair of gloves, and gloves don’t just grow on trees, now do they?
- Caviar. Do I like caviar? Probably not. But I’d feel better if I had a little jar in the fridge, next to the three-year-old bottle of jalapeno slices.