The Top 10 Reasons You Haven’t Achieved Your Life Goals

The man is keeping you down.

Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash
  1. That summer you decided to follow Phish instead of going to med school.
  2. Your insistence that you’re “electrosensitive” and therefore can’t be exposed to computers, copy machines, or cell phones, even though you somehow manage to post several selfies a day.
  3. You have so many overdraft fees, the bank invited you to cut the ribbon at the opening of its new branch.
  4. You put all of your time and energy into baton-twirling.
  5. You say “pacifically” and “for all intensive purposes.”
  6. All of the other ticket takers at the amusement park really look up to you.
  7. The man is keeping you down.
  8. There just aren’t that many openings for puppeteers.
  9. Being a sugar baby is so much easier.
  10. It’s your parents’ fault.

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