The Top 10 Reasons You Haven’t Achieved Your Life Goals
- That summer you decided to follow Phish instead of going to med school.
- Your insistence that you’re “electrosensitive” and therefore can’t be exposed to computers, copy machines, or cell phones, even though you somehow manage to post several selfies a day.
- You have so many overdraft fees, the bank invited you to cut the ribbon at the opening of its new branch.
- You put all of your time and energy into baton-twirling.
- You say “pacifically” and “for all intensive purposes.”
- All of the other ticket takers at the amusement park really look up to you.
- The man is keeping you down.
- There just aren’t that many openings for puppeteers.
- Being a sugar baby is so much easier.
- It’s your parents’ fault.