Humor

The Ten Commandments According To My Dog

Thou shalt have no other Dog before me.

(Photo by the author)
  1. Thou shalt have no other Dog before me. If you even look at another dog, I’ll know. Even looking at pictures of other dogs online is pushing it.
  2. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s dog, even though he actually comes when he’s called and knows tricks. Do you want a dog or a puppet? I have PERSONALITY, I have CHARISMA. I play by my own rules, I’m a REBEL.
  3. Thou shalt not get mad when I murder my toys. They had it coming.
  4. Thou shalt not commit doggie adultery by petting other dogs. It’s like smelling another woman’s perfume on your man.
  5. Thou shalt remember my birthday and my Gotcha Day because I’m a rescue and we’re playing fast and loose with the dates here. Let’s just pretend that we’re both still 40, which is five in dog years.
  6. Honor thy doggie grandma and grandpa, for they slip me treats when you’re not looking.
  7. Thou shalt cover me with a blankie and let me rest my head upon soft things. Like your lap, which honestly is getting a little too soft. Maybe you want to do some crunches?
  8. Thou shalt take me for an R-I-D-E to go for a W-A-L-K at the P-A-R-K every day. Sometimes twice a day, weather permitting.
  9. Thou shalt buy me good food and healthy treats, and only make me wear clothes when it’s really cold outside.
  10. Thou shalt love me above all other things, for I am your Dog, and you are my world.
(Photo by the author)

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. BA, MA. If life is a journey, I’m lost. Slackjaw, Points In Case, The Funny Times, The Haven. Twitter: @blade_funner

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