Member-only story
Humor
The Ten Commandments According To My Dog
Thou shalt have no other Dog before me.
2 min readDec 31, 2020
- Thou shalt have no other Dog before me. If you even look at another dog, I’ll know. Even looking at pictures of other dogs online is pushing it.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s dog, even though he actually comes when he’s called and knows tricks. Do you want a dog or a puppet? I have PERSONALITY, I have CHARISMA. I play by my own rules, I’m a REBEL.
- Thou shalt not get mad when I murder my toys. They had it coming.
- Thou shalt not commit doggie adultery by petting other dogs. It’s like smelling another woman’s perfume on your man.
- Thou shalt remember my birthday and my Gotcha Day because I’m a rescue and we’re playing fast and loose with the dates here. Let’s just pretend that we’re both still 40, which is five in dog years.
- Honor thy doggie grandma and grandpa, for they slip me treats when you’re not looking.
- Thou shalt cover me with a blankie and let me rest my head upon soft things. Like your lap, which honestly is getting a little too soft. Maybe you want to do some crunches?
- Thou shalt take me for an R-I-D-E to go for a W-A-L-K at the P-A-R-K every day. Sometimes twice a day, weather…
