The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Cleaning

Bev Potter
4 min readDec 2, 2019

How to do the impossible without even trying.

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

I swear to God if I read one more article about how my kitchen sink is dirtier than my toilet, I’m going to go full-on Howard Hughes and start wearing Kleenex boxes as shoes.

I’m a tiny bit of a germaphobe, and yet I hate to clean. Correction — I loathe cleaning. I don’t even have the patience to fold a T-shirt.

Hello, my name is Bev, and I’m a wadder. I’ve never owned a piece of clothing I couldn’t shove in a drawer — out of sight, out of mind. Like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll think about the wrinkles tomorrow. Marie Kondo? Fuggedaboutit.

I was raised to believe that housecleaning was something you have to do all at once, like tequila shooters. It might be unpleasant for a moment, but you’ll feel better afterward.

Remember that scene in Requiem For a Dream where Ellen Burstyn is all tweaked out on uppers and she cleans her entire apartment? That’s how I’ve always thought you were supposed to clean.

Exhausting, right? Who wants to do that? And without drugs??

Unfortunately, sometimes we have to clean, if not for ourselves, then for the people who insist, often against our will, on being our friends and family. After a while, they start to ask uncomfortable questions like, “Why do you never invite us over? Are you a serial killer? Do you have heads in your freezer?”

Haha. Of course not. My freezer is full of nothing but freezer-burned pizza. There’s room for maybe, maybe, one human head.

But I’ve discovered the key to house cleaning, and pretty much everything else.

It’s baby steps.

The hardest part of any large task is surmounting the mental hurdle of, “OMG, this thing I have to do is so freakin’ BIG. It makes me feel an irresistible urge to sleep. If I close my eyes, I can’t see the big thing I’m supposed to be doing.”

So break it down.

Keep cleaning supplies where you need them

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Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is bevpotter.substack.com