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The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Cleaning
How to do the impossible without even trying.
I swear to God if I read one more article about how my kitchen sink is dirtier than my toilet, I’m going to go full-on Howard Hughes and start wearing Kleenex boxes as shoes.
I’m a tiny bit of a germaphobe, and yet I hate to clean. Correction — I loathe cleaning. I don’t even have the patience to fold a T-shirt.
Hello, my name is Bev, and I’m a wadder. I’ve never owned a piece of clothing I couldn’t shove in a drawer — out of sight, out of mind. Like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll think about the wrinkles tomorrow. Marie Kondo? Fuggedaboutit.
I was raised to believe that housecleaning was something you have to do all at once, like tequila shooters. It might be unpleasant for a moment, but you’ll feel better afterward.
Remember that scene in Requiem For a Dream where Ellen Burstyn is all tweaked out on uppers and she cleans her entire apartment? That’s how I’ve always thought you were supposed to clean.
Exhausting, right? Who wants to do that? And without drugs??
