Humor
The Five Stages of Pete Davidson
Why? Just, why?
Denial
Seriously, what does any woman see in Pete Davidson? He’s like a talking puddle of milk. When he takes his shirt off, his tats look like the things I used to draw on the cover of my notebook in fifth period English when I was high. Have you really looked at Pete Davidson’s tattoos? It’s like somebody said, “What would happen if you gave a 12-year-old a bottle of Wild Turkey and $5,000 to get all the tattoos he wanted?” Do you really want to wake up to the giant alien head from Mars Attacks!?
Anger
If I see one more picture of Pete Davidson and some hot celebrity, I’m going to scream. And these are women with their own money and their own careers who are vastly, vastly more talented and popular than Pete Davidson. You know Kris Jenner is gnawing at her fingernails saying, “Kim, honey, why can’t you find another thuggish rap star or a basketball player like your sisters?”
Bargaining
Dear God, if you just stop putting pictures of Pete Davidson in my feed, I’ll become a nun and help little orphan babies in Paraguay. I’ve never held a baby before and I hate kids, so the first few months might be a little rough, but it’ll all be worth it if I never have to look at Pete Davidson ever…
