Thank you, Chris. I would like to clone you, so if you could just give me a small tissue sample and sign this release, I'll be on my way. For the record, @thehappysidestep is the funniest person on Medium.

I'm thinking we contact Ron Popeil's people and pitch The Pocket Bagel Slicer. I'm testing a prototype right now. There's a lot of blood. I bet the Pocket Fisherman had that same problem--all those hooks. Ron'll know what to do.