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Shakira’s Purse Was Stolen By A Gang Of Angry Boars
They were last seen driving away in a red Chrysler LeBaron.
Reporting from Barthelona, Spain:
Pop-star Shakira reports that her purse was stolen by a gang of wild boars near her home in Barthelona, Spain.
The blonde superstar who, much like her hips, doesn’t lie, explained that she and her son, Milan, were walking through a Barthelona park when the pack of angry hogs confronted them and snatched her bag away.
One hog was heard to say, “Bitch, is that a Gucci?”
The story was first reported on Shakira’s Instagram. The 44-year-old brandished the destroyed handbag, which was covered in mud and hog saliva, after proudly explaining to her fans how she managed to wrestle it back from the fashion-conscious pigs by slapping them and pulling their hair.
The porcine bandits were last seen driving a red 1995 Chrysler LeBaron and yelling obscenities at passers-by. Earlier reports had the feral hogs riding motorcycles in the halls of the local high school and spray-painting graffiti on subway cars.
The probation officer for one of the hogs just shook his head and said, “Well, we can either lock them up or we can eat them.”
