Member-only story
POLITICAL HUMOR
President Trump Appoints Brain Worm as Head of the FDA
Worm promises a dead bear cub on every table
In a move that comes as a surprise to no one, President-Elect Donald Trump has named Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain worm to head up the Food and Drug Administration.
During an impromptu press conference, the worm promised “a dead bear cub on every table”.
It further stated before a roomful of dazed reporters who were finally realizing that they had seen it all, that nothing would ever surprise them ever again, and that their jobs were completely pointless, “I’m proud to join Hannibal Lector in eating this great nation.”
It then burrowed back into a staffer’s forearm, where it is reportedly working on its memoirs.
In a further controversial move that everybody secretly approved, the brain worm immediately put out enormous bowls of cocaine in the foyer of the FDA while wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the words “MAKE AMERICA FUN AGAIN”.
It then directed an aide to hire a babysitter, even though it does not, to anyone’s knowledge, have young children in this country.
