HUMOR

Please Sign My Petition To Change The Name Of Our Subdivision from Fox Meadow to Possum Gulch

Photo by Skyler Ewing

Good afternoon.

Thank you for allowing me — or some might say, “jumping me on the sidewalk, pushing me into a minivan and forcing me to attend” — this meeting of the Fox Meadow Homeowner’s Association.

I can only assume all the dramatics are about my petition to change the name of our subdivision from Fox Meadow to Possum Gulch.

As many of you know, I’m a stickler for detail. Sure, some might say that measuring the height of the Thompsons’ shrubs with an industrial-grade infrared measuring tape synced with a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to ensure they conform with HOA bylaws is a bit much, but that’s why you made me Enforcement Officer.

Sure, now you regret that.

But two weeks ago when you bestowed this awesome power upon me, nobody else wanted to be the bad guy.

Before I took power…I mean, assumed this position…no one was willing to speak up about the Lannisters’ tendency to leave their garbage cans out by the road for almost an entire day after trash pick up.

Pursuant to Fox Meadow HOA bylaws (which I’ve memorized word for word, by the way — I didn’t make it to the finals of the Chippewa Valley…