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Please Help! I’m Stranded On That Giant Island Of Plastic Floating In The Pacific!
This morning I saved a penguin that was choking on a Diva cup.
By the time you read this, it will probably be too late. But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put an actual message inside an actual bottle, even if I can’t stand Sting and all that tantric sex stuff. I saw him in concert once when he was still hot, but now he just looks like a strip of very pale beef jerky. It must be all that yoga and Ayurvedic breathing.
How am I writing this in the middle of the ocean? Well, there are approximately 8 billion BIC ballpoint pens laying around, that’s how.
I hope I don’t traumatize whoever finds this note scribbled on the back of a 7-Up label shoved inside an empty syringe, but I felt the need to get to the point without a lot of preamble.
Most of the island is made up of empty plastic bottles, but one whole layer is nothing but Keurig pods. Thank God! I don’t think I could make it through this without coffee! I just peel off the top of a pod and chew the grounds. I’m up to six pods a day, which can’t be good for me, especially since I’m stranded on a giant floating island of plastic in the Pacific.
