Department of Nope

Please Don’t Try To Inspire Me

My self-esteem is bad enough as it is.

Do I have to? (Photo by Clark Tibbs on Unsplash)

Everybody’s always trying to inspire me. The word gets tossed around so frequently, it’s lost all meaning. It’s like a ball of Play-Doh that’s been handled too much.

I’m just sitting over here trying to respire without passing out. There’s plenty of advice about that, too. Who knew you could breathe wrong?

Articles and exhortations about inspiration just make me feel bad about myself. They might as well be titled, “Here are all the ways you already fail, and here are some different ways to also fail.”

Most of these “inspirational pieces” are just barely disguised late-night TV ads. “This is how I did XYZ and so can you!! RAH-RAH!!! (Shipping and handling extra).”

No. No, I cannot. You are clearly a human being with much more energy than I have. Your mitochondria are still functioning, whereas mine have closed up shop. Your sunny disposition and cheery facade are downright revolting. Your words glisten with the moist sheen of desperation.

I will not follow your 12-step plan, Sam-I-Am. I do not like green eggs and ham.