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Pandemic Meals For One That Will Have You Saying “Please, God, When Will This Be Over?”
A list of recipes that are high in cholesterol and low in self-esteem.
Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far —
Look, just say “a long time ago,” okay?
A long time ago, I made something called “meals.” These involved putting together several different items of food, also known as “ingredients,” and — wait, let me pull up a dictionary — “cooking” them. A lot of my cooking involved pasta, which is not exactly haute cuisine, but at least I had to boil water.
I don’t even bother looking at recipes anymore. If it calls for more than one ingredient, it’s too much work. Now I consider the following to be legit meals for one during these, the most unprecedented of times:
Bacon
That’s it, that’s the meal. Strips of irradiated pork. Dab the finished product with some paper towels if they haven’t been suctioned off the shelves by hoards of marauding parents. Eat with a knife and fork if you’re feeling fancy.
Cereal
I have — and I am not making this up — 20 open boxes of cereal in my kitchen right now. I like variety. So sue me.
