My Reading History Grosses Me Out

Who would read these things?

Dear Internet,

Please don’t show me suggestions of things to read “based on my reading history.”

Honestly, it’s grossing me out.

I read one article about… you know what.

Sure, I could’ve stopped reading, but that would be rude. Especially in this environment. I would probably actually read Infinite Jest all the way to the end instead of just the first five pages if it meant I could make a buck.

Look, somebody took a lot of time and trouble, and apparently performed copious and, shall we say, intimate testing, to write that article about… the thing that I read about.

It’s a lot like Amazon. Just because I purchase a package of nipple shields, that doesn’t mean I have decided to make nipple shields a way of life. Amazon doesn’t need to remind me that I once purchased nipple shields for the rest of eternity on every web page I open forever.

I only have two nips, and they are not somehow abrasive or spiked in a way that might chew through nipple shields at an alarming rate. One package was enough to last me a really, really long time.

Okay, okay. I also read one article about… that which shall not be named. But that doesn’t mean I want more articles about… that… popping up if I decide to show something to my friend on my phone. We’re not that close. Honestly, I’m not that close to anybody. Not even myself.

So just stop it already. If I want to read more articles about… something… I can find them on my own.

Not that I would do that.

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. BA, MA. If life is a journey, I’m lost. Slackjaw, Points In Case, The Funny Times, The Haven. Twitter: @blade_funner

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