Humor
My Pet Octopus Has Stolen My Identity
[JANUARY 12, 4:24 P.M.]
Hey Facebook Fam!
Big news! I got a pet octopus!!!!! I KNOW, RIGHT?? Crazy! It’s such a “me” thing to do, like that time I got a tattoo from a guy I met in the alley next to the liquor store. Thank God for antibiotics.
So my octopus’s name is Squishy McSquishface and I had to convert my entire living room into a saltwater fish tank so he’d have plenty of room to… swim, I guess? I don’t actually know that much about octopuses. I think they eat fish.
I have some Gorton’s fish sticks in the freezer. That’ll have to do until I get this all figured out.
I know what you’re thinking — how is this even legal? Well, the guy I bought Squish from assured me that octopuses aren’t endangered or anything and it’s not like I’m buying a lion or an alligator or something. An octopus isn’t going to break free and eat people. Probably.
I’M KIDDING!! Squish is definitely not going to eat anybody. He’s just a squishy ol’ pile of squishiness.
Anyway, the guy gave me a license for Squish, so it’s totally legit. The license looks kind of like an Uno card with an octopus sticker on it, but I’m sure it’s fine.
