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My New Year’s Resolutions For 2022
As far as I’m concerned, it’s all been downhill since 1999.
2 min readDec 26, 2021
- Become an influencer. All I need is a boob job and some roller skates.
- Date Peter Davison. My lottery number is 24. I’m getting closer every day.
- Quit my job and survive on what I make from my writing. Nobody says you have to eat an entire packet of ramen all at once. Whatever happened to the free samples at the grocery store? Damn you, COVID!
- Conquer nature. The moles have moved their operations to the backyard. This means war.
- Start doing yoga. No, I really mean it this time.
- Manage my stress. While still posting every day, scrolling every social media platform known to man, taking care of my mom and my dog (not necessarily in that order), and not doing drugs. Unless you've got some.
- Cutting back on salt. Yes, I just ate a McDonald's sausage biscuit which has approximately 1 billion milligrams of sodium. But it’s still 2021. So there.
- Visit Australia. This is not going to happen, but it’s nice to think about. I feel like you get off the plane and somebody hands you a koala.
- Convert to Mormonism. No, I don’t know why I’m obsessed with Mormonism…
