Humor

My Letter To The MacArthur Foundation Board Members Who Once Again Passed Me Over For a Genius Grant

I don’t even need your stupid $625,000 since I started my side-hustle as human prey on a deserted island.

Photo by Taton Moïse on Unsplash

Dear Nerds,

Just like the previous 53 years (yes, I include my infancy and childhood), you have once again failed to select me for a John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation Fellowship, or what the stupids call a “genius award.”

I can’t believe you saw through my devious plan of submitting recommendations on my behalf from Prof. Thadeus J. McGillicuddy, Yo-Yo Ma, and Pat Sajak. Maybe it’s you guys who deserve a genius award.

That’s fine, coneheads. I don’t even need your stupid $625,000 ever since I started my side-hustle as human prey on a deserted Caribbean island. I’m making mad cash letting rich guys hunt me.

And since I’m still alive, I think it goes without saying that I must be a genius, and also very, very good at hide and seek.

In fact, I was voted “Most Likely To Hide Super Good” by my 6th-grade class at Dow Chemical Elementary School in Midland…