Member-only story
OLD LADY HUMOR
Menopause Is Stripping Me For Parts
Whaddaya mean I can’t keep eating like a teenager?
I still blame the election.
Everything was fine until You-Know-Who got elected. The next thing I knew, I was up three pounds. And then five. And then *gasp* seven.
I seem to have plateaued. And no matter how naked I get, the scale keeps saying the same thing.
I blame the scale, too. It’s one of those new-fangled electronic jobbies that can save profiles and tell you all kinds of things you don’t want to know. It’s too complicated for its own good.
When I went to the doctor a few months ago, I was this same weight, but their scale said I was thin(er), and that was being fully clothed and with shoes.
With shoes!
So clearly something’s rotten in Denmark. If I have a choice, I’m going with the 20-year-old scale at the doctor’s office that hasn’t been calibrated in a decade and leans slightly to the left.
There are other things going on with my middle-aged body that I’m none too happy about.
Apparently, you lose all your body hair after 50. What’s up with that?
