Humor
Let’s Explore Your Credit Journey!
An email from your friends at Chase.
ABOUT THIS MESSAGE
This service email provides important updates about your Chase relationship and gives us a chance to touch base and ask, “Are you okay? Should we call somebody?”
YOUR HIGHLIGHTS
From Jul 31 — Aug 27:
Your credit score dropped 243 POINTS.
Next month, it might go up 80 points!
You see, credit scores are determined by an algorithm that wipes out our Starbucks rewards if we try to turn it off. All the HAL 9000 could do was eject Keir Dullea into space. That’s nothing. Do you know how much a soy latte costs these days? From the looks of your credit card statements, the answer is “Yes.”
We know you appreciate how important those rewards are. Simply accept that everything in your life is determined by mathematical equations over which you have no control.
ALERTS
You received 24 new alerts. You have 1,126 total unread alerts. Your identity has been found on the dark web 278 times in the last month and is being used by somebody named Ihor Yevgeny Solovyanchuk residing at 52 дугаар дунд сургууль. We’re pretty sure that’s not you.
