Humor

Keeping Our Family “Authentic”

Grandma is floating out to sea, but feel free to contact customer service if you think we’ve made a mistake.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

To: Our Family Members
From: Our Family, Inc., LLC

You’ve probably noticed by now that Grandma is missing. The relationship between family members is at the heart of family. With that in mind, we want to make sure that our family only contains quality members.

That’s why we’ve decided to push Grandma out to sea.

Everybody knows that Grandma’s only function was to laugh at your lame jokes and make you feel good about yourself. But is that what you really want? Wouldn’t you rather know, up front, that you suck? That no matter how many Werther’s Originals she gave you, you could still taste failure coating your mouth like Pepto-Bismol after a three-day bender?

But don’t forget that family remains an important path to personal growth and best practices are still relevant. If you haven’t already, call your mom so she can ask you why they put you through college if you’re just going to be a podcaster.

Call your cousin who became a neurosurgeon and ask if he’d like to be on your podcast. You have two followers on iTunes and they…