Humor

Just Because I’m A Serial Killer Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Be A Gracious Airbnb Host

Photo by Andrea Davis on Unsplash

Welcome! I’m so glad you two are finally here! I rented a wood chipper for a few days and the clock’s ticking. Karl down at the VFW doesn’t ask any questions if you pay cash.

I have to say, you have the most beautiful hair. Hold still.

Well, yes, actually, I can cut off a chunk of your hair. If you’d read the lease agreement, it’s the clause between “Term of Occupancy” and “Tenant Improvements.” Nobody reads anything these days. I blame the American education system.

Anyhoo, this hallway closet is full of duct tape in case you need to fix a leaky pipe or bind, torture, and kill someone.

No, Ashley, I don’t think that’s a “disturbing example of what to use duct tape for.”

You’re going to be kicking yourself later when the U-joint under the sink is flooding the kitchen and you can’t remember where the duct tape is. There’s literally 200 rolls in here.

So, Ash, I saw on Instagram that you’re a “mompreneur” and Josh, you design birdhouses? That explains why your parents paid.