Humor
I’ve Decided to Use an Hourglass to Tell Time
Please plan accordingly.
Hey, fam! Just thought I’d let you know that from now on, I’ve decided to use an hourglass to tell time!
I know some of you are going to say, “What the hell is wrong with you?” and “Have you been licking caulk again?”
I’d like to emphasize that my decision to use an hourglass to tell time is in fact a symbolic blow against horological tyranny and that I’ve almost completely kicked my caulk-licking habit.
Sure, any idiot can ask Siri to multiply 154 times 3,586 and get the correct answer in less than a second. But how can that compare to the soothing click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click of an abacus?
Sometimes the old ways are the best, like when we didn’t know cholesterol was bad and went ape-wild at Golden Corral every Sunday.
And just look at the smooth, sinuous curves of an hourglass. What more could you ask from a timepiece than to literally watch your life drain away as each teeny, tiny, pointless moment disappears into a pile of equally teeny…
