It’s Not The Colonoscopy I’m Worried About
It’s everything leading up to the colonoscopy.
I’ve been quiet lately (or at least, as quiet as I can be) because I have a colonoscopy scheduled for Friday and it’s pretty much all I can think about.
It’s not the colonoscopy per se that has me worried. I know I won’t remember it, and I’ll be just another faceless butthole in a facility full of buttholes.
I actually love to be knocked out. Sedation should be a ride at Disneyland. There’s nothing like that rush of warmth right before you’re hit in the head with a velvet bowling ball.
Approximately 10 seconds later, you wake up with a can of juice in your hand and you’re thinking about pancakes.
One time when I was out, I remember having the most vivid dream about eating a steak. It was the steak to end all steaks. It was the Babe Ruth of steaks.
I’m not wild about the IV, which I’ve read could be made a lot less painful with a tiny prick of Lidocaine. But no. That would just be one more thing to prep, and one more thing to bill for, and it would probably cost $500.
So, never mind. I’ll just lay here with a needle the size of a soda straw jabbed into the back of my…
