It’s Not The Colonoscopy I’m Worried About

It’s everything leading up to the colonoscopy.

Bev Potter
3 min readMay 9, 2023
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

I’ve been quiet lately (or at least, as quiet as I can be) because I have a colonoscopy scheduled for Friday and it’s pretty much all I can think about.

It’s not the colonoscopy per se that has me worried. I know I won’t remember it, and I’ll be just another faceless butthole in a facility full of buttholes.

I actually love to be knocked out. Sedation should be a ride at Disneyland. There’s nothing like that rush of warmth right before you’re hit in the head with a velvet bowling ball.

Approximately 10 seconds later, you wake up with a can of juice in your hand and you’re thinking about pancakes.

One time when I was out, I remember having the most vivid dream about eating a steak. It was the steak to end all steaks. It was the Babe Ruth of steaks.

I’m not wild about the IV, which I’ve read could be made a lot less painful with a tiny prick of Lidocaine. But no. That would just be one more thing to prep, and one more thing to bill for, and it would probably cost $500.

So, never mind. I’ll just lay here with a needle the size of a soda straw jabbed into the back of my…



Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is